defeated

that is the only way to describe how i am feeling right now. everything was going along great. we were financially stable for the first time in our lives.
we actually had money leftover when our bills were paid.and then it happened .
my husband crashed our van and totalled it.i felt like someone pulled the carpet out from beneath me.i lost all of my breath and didnt know when it would return.
now i just feel comfortably numb.you know i see all of these commercials,saying get up and start you life anew. and im sitting here screaming i'll go but where's the damn door. i dont even know enough to find the door.
i always thought we were good people. now im left wondering what we could have done so wrong to never be rewarded with nothing but stress and heartache.
i have my faith and that has always got me through.but how much faith can one person have and keep getting kicked constantly.before you feel defeated .
i know god dosent give us more than we can handle,but i just wonder why he trusts me so much.
i need a break and i dont see one in the forseeable future.
i know this too shall pass,but its a long road waiting for it to.
im not sure i am strong enough to get to the end of the road this time.
and im not sure i even want to.why just to be kicked back down to start and go through it all over again.
it scares me i feel this way.