my baby girl is 13 today

shania turned 13 today,i'm sad and happy. sad because of all the years that have flown by. and happy to see her grow into a beautiful young woman.i'm excited to see what the future holds and just know she is going to do something great with her life,no matter which path she chooses.i see so much of myself in her,it brings back a lot of memories of my childhood. i want to be a good mom to her,just like my mom was to me.my mom's shoes are hard to fill and i find myself questioning my parenting sometimes.shania and i talk a lot when everyone else is asleep,we talk about my mom and my childhood.and we talk about our fears hers of loosing grandma and mine of loosing my mom.shania is so warm and caring and such a little lady. i am so proud of her,i want us always to be close if i have learned anything about life it is so short and you have to make the most of each day.because unfortunately as i have learned there is no promise of tomorrow.i had the best time with shania the other night,we stayed up late drinking ice tea and looking through old photo's from her babyhood and mine.i feel so blessed to have such a beautiful daughter.

i love early mornings

as i sit here awake and all of my house is still quiet,i love this time of morning i can drink my coffee and enjoy the silence.but i also love it because i can watch my kids sleep and look at their peaceful faces.before the chaos begins,people ask me all of the time how i do it with 7 kids and stay sane. i usually answer them with who says i am sane lol.you know when i was growing up i always knew i wanted to be a mom,i was the neighborhood girl that everyone asked to babysit for them and i just loved being around children.but there was no set amount of kids i wanted i would always joke and say 12.but i did know i wanted a large family,there are so many good times and yes some bad times.but i wouldnt trade it for anything.my mom says i thrive on chaos and maybe she is right.because i couldnt imagine my life without any of them.some days i try to picture how my life would be without so many kids and i just cant i would be so bored.each one of them bring something so special to my life.charlie is my sweet,sensitive guy who would do anything for anyone.shania is my strong opinioned,independant girl who i love sometimes when everyone else is sleeping me and her will talk and talk.madeline is my little silly girl,she can make you laugh and laugh with the things she comes up with.riley is all boy and he keeps me hopping and makes life very interesting around here lol.JJ is such a funny boy and so serious he wants to know about everything and always keeps me thinking about things.sage is such a lover he likes to be held and snuggled he definately makes me see things from his world and its incredible.and little tucker is such a corker he keeps us all on our toes and demands attention he refuses to be ignored he just fits in so well and makes his presence known wherever he goes
life is good

one of those days

do you ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong,that was my day today.everything i touched broke and everything i picked up i dropped.then my vacumn cleaner quit and my dryer stopped working at the same time.i had to go get a new vacumn and dryer all in the same day.our dryer was on the way out but man why today of all days.shania ended up in the ER today with a stomach ache and they are treating her for the campylobacter again and my hubby missed work.i am just going to go to bed and pretend this day never happened LOL

summer

well i made it through the graduations.now summer is here, we have a lot of work to do this summer.replacing floors,painting,redecorating the kids room.
we also have some landscape work to do outside and i want to buy one of those quickset pools.we will put a fence with a padlock around the pool because i am a nervous nelly lol. i also want to put up a screened in sitting area and a swingset.now if only i was rockefeller it would be so much easier lol.and i have to start working on those mile long school supply lists.with 6 kids in school this year it is going to be expensive.i am going to resort to be the mom in walmart fighting with the other mom's over the last 20 cent gluestick.because they each need about a trillion dollars in supplies.now i am going to be watching the paper like a hawk looking for the deals and camping out in the store parking lot until the store opens lol.i always laughed at those women now i am no longer laughing.i will proudly race into a store and grab the deals.
lord what has my life become.

changes

that is the only word that describes my life perfectly right now.yesterday we had JJ'S preschool graduation,and tonight we have charlie's 8th grade graduation.i am so excited and happy to see them grow up,but at the same time i am so sad.these are moments i will never get to relive again with them.charlie was my first baby or as i like to say my teacher.he has taught me so much about love and compassion. i have never seen a kid his age with such a huge heart.he is always willing to help anyone.he truly amazes me and taught me to be a better person.a more giving person. i feel so blessed i was chosen to be his mom.JJ is such a sweetheart,and such a funny little boy.he is definately a thinker and is so serious! he comes up with questions and answers like you wouldnt think a 4 year old should.he has definately taught me to look at things differently.and to see the world with a whole new view.it's amazing to me to think sometimes it takes a child to open our eyes about things.to help us see not everything is black and white,there is a whole grey area.

mother's day

i looked at my kids today,and felt so lucky.i mean don't get me wrong i feel lucky everyday.but today i felt so blessed that these 7 beautiful kids call me mom.i don't know how or why i was choosen, to have such truly goodhearted and beautiful kids.i feel so lucky and blessed.i feel god gave me such a wonderful,fullfilling life. i'm not sure i deserve it sometimes.and i get scared that i am going to wake up and it is all a dream.and sometimes i get anxiety,like i feel so blessed. i worry something bad is going to happen.and my dream will become a nightmare. i know that probably sounds dumb,but i can't help it.i think it is easier sometimes,to always see the bad part of everything,but you know what sometimes we have to look to the good parts. and sometimes we all need a wakeup call, that life can always be worse. like loosing a spouse or child.
so that has been my outlook lately. so i have ot ride the bus, you know what i'm lucky that i live somewhere where i can access a bus.and my husband can still get to work everyday.and we are blessed that we still have a job for my husband to go to.in this unstable economy.thank you god. you are good.

amazed!!!

when i look at my kids, i get amazed. these little people are shaping into their own person. and everyday they learn something that just flabbergasts me.it's amazing to know,one of my children could grow up to be the president or the next scientist,that discover's a cure for a major disease.they are like little sponges and just absorb anything and everything.but it is also scary being a parent to know what you do or don't do.or how you handle something could affect the way they do things or see things. it's scary to know you hold their futures in your hand.my son will be entering high school this year and i think to myself,have i done everything right is there anything i should've done different?
it is scary to think that one decision,no matter how trivial the matter seemed. could have a lasting effect on our children.we have the honor and burden of raising the future generation and we only have one chance to get it right.there are no do over's.and that both frightens and amazes me all at the same time.
i find myself wondering what kind of parents they will be,when i sit there looking at shania comforting one of the babies. i get a great feeling cause she is very nurturing.and then i worry when my kids make the wrong decision, am i looking in to the future or was this a one time deal.kids are truly a blessing and amazing and scary all at the same time.